All this medicine doesn't actually put you to sleep, it's more like it keeps you right on the edge of sleep, awake and aware... but not at the same time. The pills are hypnotics and amnesiacs so even if a little pain slips through you won't actually remember it later. Pretty sweet deal really - I had it done when I got my wisdom teeth pulled.
All this sleepy time medicine has a really odd effect on the body though. While you're on it you think you are just fine. When they wheeled Aaron into the office to go over his aftercare with me he was pretty well convinced that he was behaving normally.
He wasn't.
His speech was hilariously slurred, he couldn't stop hiccuping (although I'm not sure he was actually aware that he was hiccuping), and he kept pulling his lower lip down and out, like he was trying to inspect it for hidden compartments or something. If he did have a hidden pocket in his lip it was leaking drool onto his goatee.
The hygienist explained that he would be this way for a while and that he shouldn't be left alone or allowed to walk around by himself for the rest of the day. He objected to the idea that he couldn't walk, but promptly forgot what he was objecting to in favor of trying to read the aftercare instructions. I told him he probably wouldn't remember reading it but he didn't believe me.
I signed a paper agreeing, among other things, not to let Aaron wander around alone, do any internet shopping, or get into arguments on Facebook.
"You're all dicks," he slurred in an apparent imitation of a fight on the internet.
I assured the hygienist that no one would notice the difference if he did get on Facebook.
I got up and grabbed my bag so we could leave. Aaron remembered what he'd been objecting to earlier and tried to get up from the wheel chair. He got his butt about four inches off the chair before he started wobbling. I eased him back down and the hygienist told him she had to wheel him out, to which he inexplicably replied that he did not like people singing happy birthday to him in restaurants.
We got him loaded into the car and I started to drive us home. A few miles down the road Aaron abruptly shouted
"WE NEED hiccup TO GO TO THE STORE."
He wanted to go to Earth Fare, and in his defense we had discussed going there before all the pills.
I told him "There's no way I'm taking you to Earth Fare."
"Why not?" hiccup.
"Because you have no idea how ridiculous you're acting!"
"But it'll be hiccup funny cause the people will see me all [indiscernible sounds] and they'll be all haha what's wrong hiccup and I'll be all oh I'm all messed up on the pills."
I didn't really know what to say to that.
"We need things! I hiccup don't have the hiccup things that I need at home!"
He pulled his lip out again and pointed out the windshield, "TURN AROUND!"
It was pretty clear he wasn't gonna let this go so I turned around and took him to get his things.
I did my best to keep him steady on the short walk through the parking lot and I gave him a shopping cart to use as a walker once we got inside. Even with the cart-walker he was still pretty wobbly. He was also fast. He kept suddenly rushing off to look at things, forcing me to race after him to keep him from falling over (or knocking a display over). It was the most stressful grocery experience I've ever had.
The things Aaron needed at the store were extra hot ginger ale and fresh peanut butter. Once we were inside the store he must have thought of a few more necessities because he also bought a six pack of beer, a bottle of dessert wine, two packages of goat cheese, a package of cheddar cheese, a frozen pizza, apples, and a salami. On the way out of the store he chatted with the checkout girls about an episode of Hoarders. He picked up one bag while I gathered up the rest, and before I knew it he was out the door and weaving through the parking lot. I hobbled after him as fast as I could (which wasn't very with all that beer and soda). Luckily he made it back to the car without getting run over. Or falling over.
When we got home Aaron took his frozen pizza out of the shopping bag and put it on top of the stove. I unpacked everything else and started putting things away. After a few minutes I realized he'd disappeared, but I figured he'd be right back since he'd left the pizza out.
After a few more minutes I went looking and found him in bed with the covers pulled up over his head, sound asleep and snoring.
He slept all day.
I tried to wake him once at 6pm and again at 7pm. I had, after all, signed a paper agreeing to make sure he had enough to eat and drink. At 6pm I asked him if he was thirsty, and told him he was supposed to drink some water. He just stared blankly at me and then closed his eyes again. When I tried again at 7 he woke up enough to tell me that he wasn't hungry, and that he didn't care if he was supposed to have water.
He finally got up at around 8:40 and had one of his ginger ales.
He was back in ben again before 11:00.
He didn't eat any of his snacks or his pizza.
The next morning he didn't remember anything about his adventure at the grocery store. He didn't remember drinking his ginger ale, or his hiccups, or his fascination with his lower lip.
Two days later he didn't remember not remembering the things he didn't remember.
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